Hi There!
My name is Brianna, I am a 29, single, and just had weight loss surgery! On top of spaghetti, I also just received a promotion at work as of July 1st. Lots of new adventures ahead. I have been nudged, and gently coaxed into writing this blog for a while now. I was rather resistant to blogging about my "journey" as I found it to be boring, or my story that was personal to me, and for me to share with whom I chose.
However, in giving this more thought, I searched the internet high and low in search of the what is it like to undergo weight loss surgery? I wanted the nitty-gritty, things no one tells you, or things you just need to hear and read about 1000 times. I hope that I am able to share my story and perhaps help someone that is in the process, or thinking about, or that loves someone that is going through this. Because, IT IS A LOT!
For starters, let's talking about life as a fat person. I grew up overweight, and was always the chubbiest in my classes, I was given nicknames like "Gordita" and "Big Booty Bri" all given out of love, nonetheless, hurtful as hell! Both of my parents struggle with their weight, as do my cousins, Aunts, Grandmothers, etc. We joke and say we have the fat gene, but seriously, we do! I recall as a child, telling my mom that I wanted to be thin or go on a diet and should would attempt to make healthier meals, that included mac n' cheese, and caesar salad. I knew nothing about healthy! I'm not here to point blame or bash my parents, they did their best and at some point, I need to pull up my big gal panties and take ownership. I am fat, and so much more than that!
My single longest running prayer, new year's resolution, inner voice, begged, pleaded to finally make the changes necessary to lose the weight. I tried all the crazy diets, juice cleanse, pills and potions, hot yoga, shakeology, weight watchers, Adkins, South Beach, you name it! However, I also did secret research on weight loss surgery and would spend hours pouring over before and afters thinking about how nice their lives must be to finally make it.
I found myself, envious of those that were able to battle the bulge and recently at my 10 year high school reunion was beating myself up about how nothing about be changed, except that I was bigger than ever and unhappy. It is my belief that if you asked anyone close to me, they knew I was unhappy with my weight, but overall, I was a happy, and confident person. The biggest lie, I think I kept from everyone, including me, was that deep down I am so insecure and unsure of myself. I am consistently measuring myself against my fb timeline and those that I love and know to see how I am doing in relation to others. However, the sick game of that leads to depression, self loathing, and a whole lot of other greatness ;)
In a drunken state this New Year's I confessed to myself, my best friend and the sea (we were on a cruise, it was marvelous...but I digress!) that I needed help and needed to take the plunge and a seriously look at my health both physical and mental, and DO SOMETHING!
When we returned home, I kept the thought close to my heart, continued to research and obsess about my options and what to do next. I knew that it was going to take a village and probably some serious medical assistance to get down to the size that I always dreamed of. In some ways, I feel like I almost understand Caitlyn Jenner, in saying that you never feel like you. I'm sure that's a bit dramatic and over the top, but in reality I am a little extreme and dramatic at times, so my apologies if this is in anyway offensive or not at all related. But, to me, I think this makes sense. Even though, I grew up fat and always have been, I never felt or feel like I was meant to be a fat person. (Side bar: my family jokes that you can call us any name in the book, except one...FAT! It strikes a nerve like no other) I always wish and dream that I'm smaller, but wake up disappointed to find myself so large and in charge. (There are a whole can of insecurities that follow me around, and affect so many areas of my life, that I am presently working hard to uncover and discover to find myself again. )
I decided to go to a seminar on weight loss surgery, this was not my first time attending something of this nature, but it was my first time going and being serious about finding the means to have this done ASAP. As I walked out of the two hour seminar I was convinced that I need to have either the Vertical Sleeve or Gastric Bypass come hell or high water. I called a close friend and told him to keep me in his prayers, and I couldn't share why or what, but that when it was time I would share more. And thus, the journey begins....
